25th June, 2023

From when I hit puberty, I did not feel right with my body.

My experience was generally less of a disgust or hatred of my body, and more a neutrality and dissociation. Looking at myself didn't feel like looking at me. As a result, I stopped looking at myself properly - just a glance to get the gist of my hair and clothes.

BUT NOW I'm unlearning that! I've been on T 8ish months and changes are happening! I was thinking about my experience yesterday (see post below) and today I actually took the time to look at my face and... woah... it's still not something I'd call a mustache BUT the peach fuzz that was, last time I checked (a few weeks ago?), just at the top of my lip has spread! I do have a kind of fuzzy face! Wild!

It's difficult to unlearn the indifference I cultivated about my own body. It's still not my habit to actually look at myself and pay attention. But I will have to start doing it, because the changes are exciting to see!

24th June, 2023

I'm on a trip, going to places where no one knows anything about me... and I keep getting clocked as masc! I'm sir, mister, (young)man, that guy... chef's kiss. I identify as NB and not as a man, but I def prefer to present as masc-ish (although if anything my wardrobe has become more "girly" than before - pink shorts and crop tops anyone?) and being called by masc titles means that something good is happening! And I'm pretty sure a lot of it has to do with being on T; I've been wearing "mens" clothes for years and never got this before.

My voice is still getting deeper. I surprised myself with how deep it was the other day! I don't have any facial hair that you'd call a mustache or a beard, but there's more general peach fuzz going on and, I dunno, maybe that's enough to make people subconsciously clock me as masc.

I don't know, I can't know for sure. But it makes me feel so good!

Best one though was when someone looked at me and deliberately chose to call me "a nice person". Fuck yeah! I AM a person!!!! That's me!!

3rd June, 2023

In all the places I want body hair, I have body hair.
In all the places I don't want body hair, I don't have body hair.
I think this probably makes me the luckiest person in the world!

1st June, 2023

I've been on HRT for more than 7 months!
I finally understand how it feels to have "my" body... I used to always thing of it as a body, the body, something very seperate from myself. Sure, there are still parts of my body that I dont LOVE but that's a common feeling for everyone, trans and cis alike! I'm not alwaus entirely comfortable, but I can now look at myself and see me in MY OWN body, and it feels amazing. There's stuff I want to work on, but every day feels better than the last. Change can happen. Trans joy!

25th October, 2022

Today I started HRT!